Sunday, February 13, 2011

lighten up

There is a fact I know about caterpillars and butterflies; when the caterpillar enters the chrysalis phase, instead of just sprouting wings to become the butterfly, it actually completely dismantles and deconstructs itself, becoming complete mush, without form. Then when it's ready, it re-configures itself into its new butterfly form, from there breaking out of its cocoon stage and taking wing upon the breeze. I love this idea. Does the caterpillar know what it's releasing when it enters its cocoon? Is it afraid? Is it painful? Does it know its destiny is to become an air bound butterfly, from an earth bound crawler? If this is true for the caterpillar and butterfly is it true for me as well? Should I be afraid of such change? Change is inevitable, and the only constant in our universe. Do I fear the cocoon or the butterfly? Or am I resentful of the caterpillar? Or better yet...can I let go and trust the process?  

So the phrase or idea that has been with me  for most of the week is "lighten up". I have found this phrase whispered in my thoughts upon many occasions. Lighten up my thoughts, lighten up my body, lighten up my belongings....basically LET GO! I have always thought my self as progressive thinking, open minded woman. And, I probably genuinely am, however lately I have been met with fear and resistance. Diving in head first in the deep end seems to the only way I know how to enter these situations... good thing I've always been a strong swimmer. Yesterday I cleared out the shed, a daunting task that consumed my whole Saturday. What is stored in the shed are boxes of memories and things I have been carrying around for way too long. I generated 10 boxes of give-a-ways, 2 boxes of recyclables, 2 boxes of trash, 1 box for shredding. I condensed a total of 21 boxes into 6 (and could probably reduce that)!

As I look around my life and my house and I notice what I have been holding on to, what has been attracted to me, I wonder now what purpose it all serves. Is it stability that I crave in my environment, or can I find enough of that within? Is it beauty that I crave in my external surroundings, or can I be beautiful enough inside? Can I find happiness with out these "things" to carry around? I guess I'll find out. It's not an ascetic life I crave, just a lighter one. I think about the extra weight I've been carrying, or the heavy disciplines and I know they are all connected. If I can release one I can release two, and eventually them all. So as I dismantle my house and my life into an unrecognizable form... I wont fear the butterfly.
                                                    south american glass wing butterfly

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